flight.

six-oh-five

virtualsarah — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 08:02:34 +0000

i’ve got such big ideas,

but i’ve never felt so small.

the great depeche mode hunt (2012)

virtualsarah — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 08:41:12 +0000

AKA, 2012: The Year of Rapid Fashion.

Yeah, yeah, I’m on a Depeche Mode trip these days. I can’t help it — they’re just too darn catchy!

So, tomorrow I am going to the record shops downtown to search for Depeche Mode records. Specifically, Construction Time Again because it has my favourite D-Modey song of all time ( which you should already know if you’re a blog lurker and read my last post! ) Anyway, I’m hoping the one shop will have a lot to buy ( I forget what it’s called, but it’s in Fan Tan Alley ), but if not, there’s two other choices, Ditch and Lyle’s Place.

And then I’m going to … WINGS WEDNESDAY. Best day ever. ( Olivia would not agree. )

My dog is currently making weird dream-sounds.

Anyway, this was just a quick update on what my adventures shall consist of tomorrow. I’ll post again probably two days from now ( tentative, because I’m still considering it to be January 10th as I have not yet gone to bed ) letting everyone ( see: no-one ) know what Depeche Mode swag I sniped!

Also, Ben got his hair cut.

rapid fashion

virtualsarah — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 06:59:12 +0000

So the year has just started, and already I’m super duper busy! Today, I got up for work at six in the morning, worked, and then had a fourth year software engineering class at 16.30 until 18.00, came home ( half hour drive ) and had a rushed meal and changed, then went to my hip hop class, which ran for an hour from 20.00 – 21.00. Now I am even taking the time to write a blog post, which I hardly ever seem to do anymore! Maybe I’ll paint my nails before bed too. Now THAT’S what I call a productive day. What a way to start the week.

I’m working three days a week this semester, and I’m taking three classes ( PSYCH100B, SENG410, MUS401C ), plus choir ( MUS308. ) And dance. HAHAHAIMGONNADIE. Last tough semester. Then I’ve got like two classes to take for each of the three semesters I have left until I graduate ( stupid year long classes … ) I can do it!

Last time I posted I acted a bit spasmodical, but I still believe I said things that had to be said. And I’m happy to report that most agreed with me! That was a surprise. I thought that I would lose half the people in my life slash everyone would be offended and hate me. I really do believe that Facebook and the like have taken the real point behind a friendship out of friendships. And I find this very sad. ):

Honestly, if it were up to me, I would have been a teenager in the 80s or 90s, instead of being born on the fulcrum. Things seemed like they would have been a lot simpler back before the internet went ballistic. Ah well, such is the life of 90s Baby.

Oh who am I kidding? I wish I was born in 70s so that I would have been alive to appreciate Depeche Mode in all their glory ( clam it, Stasiuk. ) Depeche Mode. Catchiest shit ever written. Hopefully this week I am going to go hunting for gems at the vinyl shop in Fan Tan Alley downtown. Must … collect … more … Depeche Mode! The 99c tapes ( People Are People & Catching Up With Depeche Mode ) I got at the Sally Anne aren’t going to cut it much longer ( thank dog my car still plays tapes! I even got the head cleaned as soon as I got the car because the sound warbled. <3 cassettes. And long live the cassingle! )

Fooor your listening pleasure, my favourite Depeche Mode song, Everything Counts. ( Which, Wikipedia has informed me, is a fan favourite of all the die-hards. See? SEE! I was BORN to be a Depeche Mode fan. ) Yeahyeah, you gotta go ALL THE WAY to YouBoob to watch it, some loser disabled the embedding feature, but I wanted to post the official video.

I enjoy how they became popular in the United States years after they were popular in Europe. Also how the American teenagers thought they were so dark and goth and underground, while in Europe they were always in the teen pop mags a la J14. Oh, America. You so crazy.

Edit: The still on that video is amazing. I friggin’ love the 80s! xD

the friendship algorithm

virtualsarah — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 04:23:44 +0000

Dear friends,

I once read that you’re supposed to meet your friends-for-life in university. That most people lose touch with their high school friends after graduation. That you have more in common with the people you meet in university. That you will forge some of the strongest and lasting friendship bonds of your life.

In some regards, I suppose the above statements do hold some weight. I did meet my best friend in university. But he is also the boy I’m in love with, and we want each other for life. Now here I am, in the midst of my fourth year in university, and I have yet to meet a single person that will ever mean more to me than my oldest and best friend that I’ve known since elementary school.

You would expect the students that make up the body of my tiny niche program to be close-knit. I know for a fact that everyone likes to pretend that we are. But I know that we’re not. We’re all in competition with each other, and there are only so many jobs to go around in this field. Maybe I’m just a negative, cynical bitch. Think of me what you will, I really don’t care anymore. I’m through with being nice and extending hands of friendship only to be all but ignored.

Sure, we all get together and collaborate on projects. Sure, we go out for dinner when the course union plans an event. Sure, we’re all ‘friends’ on Facebook and chat online.

But we’re not truly friends. None of us are.

If we were friends, we would talk about our lives and problems. If we were friends, we would not sit across the room from one another in class, barely acknowledging each other upon passing in the hallways. If we were friends, we would truly care about each other.

I’ve tried very hard to make real friends in university. I have. But friendships are a two-way street, there’s only so much you can do as one person. All too often I’ve thought I’ve started to make a friend in class, only for the semester to end and me be all but forgotten. No matter how hard I try to keep these friendships going after classes are over, I seem to always be kept at bay via yet another superficial text message. It seems to me like everyone either has all the friendships they want already, or they don’t know what a real friendship is anymore.

I suppose that part of the blame can be placed upon instant messengers, text messaging, and Facebook. But let me ask you this — what would you rather have: real words, or pixels on a screen? Five close friends, or five hundred acquaintances? I feel that real friendships are becoming fewer and further between.

The thing that gets me the most is the fact that everyone loves to say that nobody cares about them. Funny thing about that is, nobody can care about you if you don’t care about them back.

I have not met one single person in university ( except for my boyfriend, who is beautiful and perfect and wonderful, of course ) that I care about more than my high school friends. It isn’t even a close comparison. I would do anything for any one of the friends I met in high school, and they always make time for me. Yet none of the people I’ve met here can even have a serious, honest conversation with me, let alone hang out in person.

That is why I’ve decided that I can no longer hold onto these empty half-friendships. I no longer have the time nor the energy to care about people who can’t take five minutes to care about me back. You know who you are. It hurts me to say this, but I have to do this for myself. I can’t have all of these empty relationships cluttering up my life any longer.

True friends, you should already know who you are. And you should also know that I love you all more than anything. I always will.

– Sarah

hawai’i 2011

virtualsarah — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 01:03:22 +0000

It begins.

not as crazy as i seem

virtualsarah — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:19:36 +0000

I read a book with that title once, I think. I remember it was pretty funny.

Anyway, I’m off to Hawaii on Friday! I still haven’t done much packing except for putting a few things on my bed. I keep getting distracted by Jerry Springer and teeth whitening and basically anything but. I hate packing. I pretty much packed for Saskatchewan the night before I left in the summer. It’s generally not something I would recommend because you usually forget something important, like your contacts or your child. ANYWAY. Yes, for nine days I’m going to Hawaii with my family and one of my friends. Unfortunately my dad is coming along as well. He always flips out about the tiniest things which results in everyone having a miserable trip. ( see: UK Trip 2010 )

Moving on to the real purpose of my post today …

I’ve figured out what my problem with life is. I don’t know how to say this without sounding melodramatic, but apparently I have low self-esteem, which is actually a real thing which I didn’t know. I don’t mean the kind where people say, oh cheer up and love yourself, you’re too emo today, don’t be such a self-hater. I mean like the real thing where you’re not just fishing for compliments from others. In fact, if you have it, compliments make you feel WORSE because you don’t believe them at all. Which … would probably be why I hate it when Ben compliments me. I know he’s just trying to help me feel better about myself, but without knowing what the real problem was, I guess it had more of a backwards effect. At least now I know what’s been wrong with me since … forever. And now I can get help and start to feel better.

The following is a list of ‘symptoms’:

Social withdrawal
Anxiety and emotional turmoil
Lack of social skills and self confidence.
Depression and/or bouts of sadness
Less social conformity
Eating disorders
Inability to accept compliments
Accentuating the negative
Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
Self neglect
Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
Worrying whether you have treated others badly
Reluctance to take on challenges
Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
Reluctance to trust your own opinion
Expecting little out of life for yourself
Hypersensitivity to criticism
Chronic indecision
Excessive will to please
Neurotic guilt
Defensive tendencies.

Twenty-one things. All of which describe me perfectly, with the exception of self neglect and eating disorders. I’m happy because I know now that most of what I feel isn’t necessarily my fault, it’s just side-effects of being ignored long enough. I guess it’s just been building and building over the years, resulting in what is now low self-esteem. And now I can start to get better. The only problem is, I’m so far in the rut, I’m not entirely sure how to start climbing out. But I know Ben will be with me through it all, and I love him even more for that.

Please if you comment on this, don’t be all ‘Fuck you, emo fag! Cheer up and get a manicure or something.’ This is real, and a very real problem for myself and many. I finally understand why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel, and understanding is the first step to getting better. I want to get better.

not paying attention

virtualsarah — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:47:33 +0000

… Do I ever pay attention in class anymore? I find that each semester I pay less and less attention to lectures, yet I still end up with the same grades I would have gotten if I had been paying attention. Go figure that one out. xP

This semester has been nothing but a headache from day one. It’s the last week of the semester now, and the business has still not let up. This week, for example, I have four work shifts, and any day I don’t have a work shift, I have choir practise. I also have a midterm in Psychology on Friday, final exam on the first day of the exam period, work … oh wait, I already said that. I just work waaay too much. I told the manager lady that I wanted two shifts a week, and here she is giving me four most weeks. I can’t win. ):

I haven’t even had a single second to play NeoQuest this semester! It’s an atrocity, really. My account cred is slipping. Oh yeah, my sixth grade account is going to be ten years old on December 20th! Quick, whoever guesses when I signed up for it in the first place wins a prize! JK. There is no prize.

I know I post a rant a semester here, but nobody reads it anyway, so I can say what I want. Anyway, the recurring rant recurs again! I HATE UNIVERSITY. AAHHHHHHHH!!! Okayokayokay. One more semester to get through (four classes) and then I’ll only have four classes left (which, annoyingly I’ll have to spread over the summer and then two more semesters, because two of the classes, 406 and 407, are year long. At least they’re only once a week for a few hours each.) So really it’s just one more tough semester left to get through once I’m finished exams … and Hawai’i! I’m going to Hawai’i on December 23rd until January 1st. I think my manager is just pissed off that I get to go to Hawai’i and she doesn’t, and that I didn’t tell her I was going until a month ago. She’s just punishing me with all these shifts because she’s bitter. So blah.

What is actually going on in class right now is final project presentations for SENG330 ( AKA, worst class since the dawn of time. ) Course evaluations are next on the agenda today … I can’t wait! We presented on Friday … the other group members keep not listening to me, or getting mad at me for not having time to work on this project much … Um, I have a job and other classes, thanks. Sorry that I can’t devote my life to this project. Mon dieu. I’m doing my best with preparing the final document for submission, nobody else is going to do it. Not that I ever get any credit, or feedback from the other group members when I email them asking them to send me things, or questions, whatever. I just never get replies. Some ‘team’.

As an aside, cauliflower cheese soup! Whaaattt … it’s totally improbable but totally delicious! I got some for lunch today on campus, along with a tuna wrap ( cheese, sprouts, onion, tomato ) in a cheese tortilla. I haven’t eaten it yet, but it looks super delicious.

I currently have an A+ ( 93.33% ) in CSc355 Digital Logic, which is both laughable and debatable. I got my last assignment back, and I got 94/100 when I didn’t even do it all properly. They marked the first question, gave me 4/10 and that’s it. So … would I still have gotten the same mark if I didn’t do any of the assignment but the first question? This university baffles me.

Also my doggy has become ‘geriatric’. He can hardly get up and walk anymore, poor guy. He’s a ten year old yellow lab named Cedar, and he’s so cute. He still looks like a puppy even though he’s 70 like my g-pa. I mean my grandpa is 70, not he looks like a puppy. Cedar just stares now, he doesn’t really know who anyone is or what is going on anymore. Mum says we’re going to put him down when it hurts him too much to get up, which may end up being sooner than any of us had thought, given the rate he’s deteriorating at.

Anyway, this has just been another ‘where I’m at now’ post, giving Internet-land a little update on my life ( for my future reference, I guess, as nobody else reads this … ) Looks like it’s about time for course evaluations; prepare to be verbally raped, Graddy Booch! D:

what happens when i lose my audio technicas?

virtualsarah — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 03:13:20 +0000

Sennheiser HD414 ca. 1968 is what happens.

Retro a-go-go.

if i were a rapper

virtualsarah — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 09:18:47 +0000

If I were a rapper (with madd flow), my rapper name would be Li’l RAWR. And I would wear a bear hat. Like this:

Aww yeah ... this hat be pimpin'.

And that’s really all I had to say right now. /seriousface

i love unicorns

virtualsarah — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 04:57:14 +0000

I feel like I may have already written a post with this title … it’s entirely possible because it’s very true. My Little Pony was my favourite show as a child. Oh who am I kidding. It’s still my favourite show!

So I’m sitting here, sipping cream soda and watching a documentary on unicorns, with a book about Barbies beside me. When am I going to grow up, you ask? How about the fourth of never? Ahahaha … it’s just way too much fun being me.

Apparently unicorns are not mentioned only once, but several times in the Bible (pronounced bib-luh from here on out). Who would dispute that, the narrator asks. Welp! That must mean unicorns exist! Good enough for me! xD This is actually quite interesting. It’s showing all these medieval tapestries from a cloister in New York and explaining the stories that are pictured on them. I’m reminded of Comparative Civilisations 12, which I got a 97 in. It was just SO easy to cheat on all the tests, because the teacher got a substitute every test day, who was a bimbo who just sat up front and texted and never paid attention to anyone. My friends and I passed a paper of notes to one another along the floor with our feet, which was my idea. I was quite crafty in my youth. In my old age I’m becoming quite the scrapper.

I got cupcakes today from the cupcake store which was super yummy. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I’m also eating a cupcake. I also went to the library and made some amazing discoveries:

1. There are many books on Barbie. I got several picture books on how much thousands are worth now, and one that is a collection of essays entitled The Barbie Chronicles, which is proving to be an interesting read so far.

2. The downtown library has not one, not two, but THREE sections where manga is located. I only ever look in the teen section, but apparently there’s some in the kids and adults sections as well! So basically that made my day. Until …

3. I found the international section upstairs. And there … I found … BOA CDS!!!!1!! ^.^ Zomg. Along with several other albums by Chinese, Korean, and Japanese artists. I just grabbed ones by artists I’ve heard of before, and obviously all the BoA ones. Next time I’m bringing my discman (yes, I still have one. Anyone got a problem!?) so I can just spend the afternoon there weeding out the good ones. And if you know me at all, you will know which I consider to be ‘the good ones’.

The public library continues to amaze me. I can only imagine what the Vancouver one is like. I can’t go there though! They’d have so many Asian stuffs I’d want to borrow but wouldn’t be able to. It would make me too sad.

Update on the unicorn documentary … apparently the word unicorn was removed completely from newer translations of the Bible. They also showed a painting where there used to be a unicorn sitting on the lap of a woman, but in a newer version of the painting, it was completely removed! Wowza … The Quest for the Unicorn has me enthralled.

FYI …

Einhorn = German

Licorne = French

And now they’re looking for what merchants were selling back in the day if not unicorn horns? ( as they didn’t actually exist. Wait, what!!? D: ) Why, narwhal horns of course!

Ooo! I just got an email for 40% off and free shipping from American Eagle! Attention immediately diverted from blog! Bye, I’m going shopping!